well, it had to happen eventually. i bought far cry 2 a while ago, when a place near where i used to work had a sale. it was 40% off, and had earned some good reviews. what i knew was this: i got to shoot stuff, drive around, AND it had trophies. plus it was published AND developed by one of my favourites. honestly, i felt it couldn’t go bad.
christ, i was so wrong.
in fact, i was so wrong about this game it still hurts. far cry 2 is probably one of the biggest pieces of shit going. it’s a FPS [first-person shooter] developed and published by various forms of ubisoft.
it’s set in africa, and your character has malaria the entire time. the effects of this stupid disease are grossly overused – has no one told this guy there’s ways to deal with it? that modern medicine has found a cure? fuck, man. every half hour or so you need to take a pill to deal with your ‘illness’. swallow this: GET TO A HOSPITAL.
grrr. you spend most of your time driving from one point to another. the vehicles are few and far between and drive like upper management: out of touch with reality and hellbent on ruining your day. if you drive off a bridge, or offroad at any time, good fucking luck trying to get another vehicle. you spend most of your time driving and if you screw up, you walk. a lot.
your missions are, for the most part, pointless. i spent forever trying to get to this bar area during a certain time to start a mission. the characters here, as everywhere else, are rude – we get it, you’re a tough bastard. we don’t give a shit about your backstory or problems. we just want to achieve your inane objective[s] so we can move on with our lives.
weapons…meh. you get some stock options, and can loot enemies for more or even ammo. mainly, they’re useless against the swarms of morons.
to really get anywhere, you need to find diamonds. you have a little tracking/gps-type device. all this bitch does is beep at you and flash different colours, depending on your proximity to it. are you fucking kidding me?! this map is, according to wikipedia [let’s all pretend that’s a realistic source] 50 km2 (19.3 sq miles). (if you’ve read this far into the post, i grant you one joke about conflict diamonds as a reward.)
finally, and the worst knife twist of all: the cut scenes. WTF. you HAVE to watch them. it’s not as bad as metal gear solid 4 [try an hour, hour and a half of that shit.] you drive around in the back of a jeep with some driver of yours and you can’t skip.
i would get rid of it, but the trade-in value on it blows. in general, this game makes me incredibly hostile. what the fuck, ubisoft?