ok. i know some of you out there had a shitty valentine’s day, and to cheer you up, i sat down and wrote some gamer wedding vows for you. my main console is the playstation 3, so they’re from that perspective. i’m living the dream, baby.
finally, always remember this: if it feels right, do it. here we go:
I, siohazard, take you Playstation 3, to be my Console, to have and to play from this day forward, for better or for glitch, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health boosts, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death or mythical beast do us part.
I, Playstation 3, take you, siohazard, to be my lawfully-wedded user, to save your online friends list, my faithful player and my gamer from this day forward. In the presence of Sony, our family and friends, I offer you my solemn vow to be your faithful game Console, in sickness and in warranty, in good times and in bad, to enjoy as well as share with others. I promise to love your multiple user accounts unconditionally, to support you in your quests, to honor and respect your strategies, to laugh at you and cry for you, but to cherish you for as long as we both shall live.
I, siohazard, take you, Playstation 3, to be my partner in life and my one true love. I will cherish our union and love you more each day than I did the day before. I will trust your hard drive’s judgment and respect you, laugh in front of you and cry without you watching me, loving you faithfully through good games and bad, regardless of the weird shit we may face together. I give you my thumbs, my heart, and my love, from this day forward for as long as we both shall live.
In the presence of Sony, our families and our friends, I take thee to be my Console, promising with Divine assistance to be unto thee loving and faithful so long as we both shall live.
I, Playstation 3, take you, siohazard, to be my friend, my gamer, the keeper of my heart and my titles. I will be yours in times of rushed holiday releases and in times of long-awaited software updates, in times of malaria or other sickness and in times of health packs, in times of joy and in times of sorrow, in times of failure and in times of triumph on whatever side you choose. I promise to cherish and respect you, to care about your controller charge level and protect you against boredom, to comfort and encourage your playing abilities, and stay with you, for as long as I can last.
I, Playstation 3, choose you, siohazard, to be my user, to respect you in your trophy successes and in your mission failures, to care for you in sickness and in health, to nurture you, and to grow with you throughout the releases in my life.
I, siohazard, take you, Playstation 3, to be my partner, loving what I know of you, and trusting what I do not yet know. I eagerly anticipate the chance to level up together, getting to know the machine you will become, and falling in love a little more every day. I promise to love and cherish you through whatever game play may bring us.