winston churchill said it best: v is for victory. recently, i agreed with him, after snagging the elusive ‘assassin’s creed 2’ action figure.
i have been searching for this man for months, enlisting friends, strangers and family in a quest that seemed hopeless. games store clerks looked at me with pity, saying they’d been sold out for months. a few sadly expressed regret that they themselves had not scooped up the collector’s version. big box store clerks just eyed me nervously, the way you would eye a rabid wolf who suddenly just appeared at a family campsite. the conversations tended to go something like this:
obnoxiousgamer: ‘i am looking for the assassin’s creed 2 collector’s edition. the big fancy one. with the action figure.’
clerk: ‘we, uhm, could check the computer?’
clerk taps away
clerk: ‘looks like we’re sold out…’
clerk: ‘we could call you if one comes in.’
obnoxiousgamer: ‘i’m having a lot of trouble finding one, so that’s such a huge if. why don’t you tell me when?’
clerk: ‘…oh, miss, it looks like we won’t be getting any more of this product in.’
obnoxiousgamer: pouting and sad face, then brightens. ‘what about the back room?’
clerk #2 materializes, clearly a game nerd.
clerk #2: ‘you’re looking for ubisoft’s assassin’s creed 2 collector’s edition?’
obnoxiousgamer raises an eyebrow and nods.
clerk #2: ‘ha, good luck. they don’t make it anymore. it’s been sold out for months.’
and so on and so forth. it was, it seemed, that all hope was lost. then i found a treasure in a downtown hmv. it was an xbox 360 version, and the only left. so i grabbed it, and also the brief attention of a male clerk, who seemed stoked to discover someone with good taste.
i called eb games quickly. ‘what’s your trade-in value for assassin’s creed 2?!’. i quickly learned i’d get $40 bucks for it, and it seemed fair to me.
same deal at the cash register, where another male employee was openly thrilled at my purchase. we started talking about it, and i was simply giddy at the thought of having accomplished a life goal. out loud, i chortled happily: ‘i just want the action figure!’
he rang me through quietly. (whatever. jealously is so gauche.)
after that, i pranced over to eb games, and announced my intention to get rid of the game. the female clerk seemed puzzled, and then we had this gem of a convo.
clerk: ‘you can trade it in, but you need id.’
obnoxiousgamer: ‘no problem. actually, i just bought it and it’s still sealed. does that change things?’
confused stare from clerk
obnoxiousgamer: ‘sorry. i just bought it, but i don’t want the game.’
[now totally stunned]
clerk: ‘oh you can return it to hmv…?’
obnoxiousgamer: ‘no no, i want the action figure. and i guess the tin is now mine too. ok, i mainly wanted the action figure.’
clerk: ‘uhm, oh ok, well you get $40 for it, but the game is pretty good, you know. it’s one of our best sellers.’ gestures to shelves which actually do scream out ‘eb games best sellers!’
obnoxiousgamer: ‘oh i have it for ps3.’
clerk no longer hides the confusion
clerk: ‘so… you got it for the action figure… oh, oh wow, you must be a really hardcore fan.’
BITCH, I AM A VICTORIOUS FAN. [but i was polite and kept that to myself.] anyway. i felt compelled to share that with you all. you’re welcome.