ugh, i can’t believe that i am about to reference mtv.com [then again, i also can’t believe it’s not butter], but they have some very juicy details about the possible uncharted movie. so far, we have these three as almost confirmed:
- mark wahlberg [nathan drake]
- robert de niro [father]
- joe pesci [uncle]
now, i have never met david o. russell, who is apparently heading up this whole project – but i do know he’s an idiot. mark wahlberg being cast as nathan fucking drake? seriously? mark, this isn’t a personal thing and i am sure you are a nice guy. when it comes to acting though … you’re an ok actor. i remember watching the departed and thinking how adorable you were, trying to be all tough and shit. so cute. it was like watching children play house.
you did very well in the perfect storm. you did an good job in the lovely bones. most of your movies, you do an ok job. that’s it. that’s your niche: ‘not-a-shitty-actor-but-never-gonna-win-an-oscar’. no one is ever going to be able to pretend that you are a free-spirited treasure hunter with strong mercenary tendencies. nothing personal, but as an actor, you just do not have that depth. i can’t be sure, but i honestly believe it’s those soulful brown eyes and gentle masculine tones that ruin it. repeat: no one.
these are better choices:
- nathan fillion – go watch five minutes of an episode of castle and you will know what i am talking about.
- nolan north – ‘who is this guy?’, you ask? oh he’s just the ACTUAL voice of nathan drake. and an actor. yeah, don’t worry about shit like ‘details’ and ‘authenticity’.
- brendan fraser – now this man would be believable.
- david boreanaz – cute and boyish charm? check.
- ryan reynolds – totally can pull it off
- russell crowe – see? another great choice. honestly, *i* should be in the film business.
- dwayne ‘the rock’ johnson – bad ass AND funny.
- cookie monster – no seriously, i think he’s a better choice than marky mark.
even though i would never pretend anyone at mtv is a legitimate journalist, or – god forbid – actually knows how to read, i do invite you to go read the article. there’s even a video of widdle marky mark trying to be serious, aww. i just want to pinch his cheeks and gently scold him for being up past his bedtime**.