To be entirely honest with you, I debated whether or not to publish today. The article is from January, which is practically a thousand years ago. Ultimately, you are reading this because I have read a bunch of these lately and I am fed up with this shit.
This time, it is yet another ‘omg teenagers and video games’ story. How many times do we have to go over this? Bad parenting begets bad kids. Good parenting? Good kids. Fuck. I feel like I just wrote the most important book on parenting ever.
I love being Canadian (I’m also Irish, but that is a story for another day). I would eat pealmeal bacon poutine off a lumberjack who just said hoser, but the fact is I will also admit that the Americans do a really great job with their media. Except Fox, that is. Fox is kind of the tinfoil hat-wearing cousin. We have a few good papers here – National Post and the Globe & Mail are staples in my house – but they cannot hold a candle to the New York Times. To put it mildly, those bitches know their shit.
I was stunned to read ‘Video Games and the Depressed Teenager‘. Granted, the author, Roni Caryn Rabin, evidently has a history of fabricating drivel. Who amongst us can forget the compelling read that is ‘Is SpongeBob SquarePants bad for children’? Or the ground-breaking ‘C-Sections pose respiratory risks for some small preemies’? I’m not linking to her articles. She would love that shit.
Far be it from me to deny anyone the pleasure of writing a salacious headline. Let’s try a couple ourselves.
‘CLAMS ARE NOT A FRUIT’!
‘BEAR OPENS DISCOTHEQUE!’
See? Anyone can do it.
‘DO VIDEO GAMES CAUSE DEPRESSION?!’ Well if there is allegedly a study about it, AND it’s on the internet – well, obviously it must be right.
Let’s stop and sum things up. Perhaps the most glaring problem, for me, is the source. We are going to overlook the fact that this study seems to come from Singapore. Yeah. I said it. This is the land where bungee jumping is illegal. Chewing gum sales are illegal. In fact, I am fairly sure that just by publishing this post, I just got added to a list somewhere.
Anyway. We are bypassing all of that. Culturally, Singapore and North America are different. We can all agree.
Ultimately, this issue is about responsibility. It is about accountability. Goddamn it, it’s about common sense. If you wet yourself after playing fucking Halo for 36 hours straight, who do you blame? Your pants? Of course not. Your bladder? No. Your car company, because the car you drove was their model? Preposterous. You blame yourself.
If you play more video games than your friends, so what? I play, hands down, more video games than almost anyone I know. I hold down a job. I have friends. A family. A collection of men. It’s called ‘moderation’, muthafucka.
Video games don’t make you violent. They don’t depress you. They aren’t an addictive substance.
It is not ok to blame video games for your problems. It is not ok to blame video games, the studios, and anyone who has ever had anything to do with games for your problems.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have some Skyrim stuff to do.