on a certain level, i do feel sorry for this dog. here he is, trying to be helpful, and through a variety of factors, ends up being the most hated dog on the planet. and for what? because he expressed his sadness over something he had no control over?
fuuuck. i have been playing a couple of retro games lately, and oh my fucking god there are TWO characters in NES world that are the bane of my existence.
toad and that fucking duck hunt dog.
let’s examine toad. this little shit stain continuously and smugly informs mario that ‘the princess is in another castle’. after about the eight time i hear that, i’m ready to just tell princess whateverthefuckhernameis that i’m fed up with her tricks and her mind games and that if it’s all the same to her, i will just sit this one out. i mean, toad is always running up and being all-knowing and such. therefore, i can logically assume that he knows where she is and i can do more important things like get the authorities on this shit, since there’s something not cool going down somewhere. forcible confinement, kidnapping, i don’t know exactly what the fuck is going on but you have my word that something will be done.
it’s not just there he makes an appearance. he shows up in many mario games, like mario kart for n64. seriously? how the fuck can this little bitch see over the steering wheel? let’s not even get into the physics portion: he small and thus faster; giving him an edge over the other racers.
not only that but he is a mushroom. a mushroom! how does mario know he’s even REAL? going through sewer pipes all day, every day has GOT to do something to your brain after a while. to be honest, my inclination here is to chalk it up to a hallucination. however, it is actually real and i am just simply not down with that.
the duck hunt dog is even worse. this useless and incompetent hunting dog cannot be shot, no matter how hard i try.
i want you all to know i tried. i love dogs. love them, albeit in an appropriate way. in fact, in general i am an animal lover, but he’s just not cutting it. i need those ducks fetched, and since i shot them, it’s only fair he goes and retrieves them.
this is food we are going to eat because it has come to this. should i be expected to do everything? hell no.
then, of course, are the rare and bittersweet moments where this johnny fuckface achieves the goal he is meant to do. rejoice, players! dog has retrieved ONE duck out of god knows how many i shot at. does he expect a marching band? apparently. there seems to be a lot of celebration, most of it obviously unwarranted.
in a video that could teach the ignorant bastards at vh1 a thing or two, college humour puts together a video showing what happens when you play duck hunt. even better? seems like i found a way around their whole ’embedding disabled upon request’ bullshit. who rules? this bitch.
found this in my internet travels and NEEDED to share. it’s a lamp made from nintendo parts. i couldn’t find anymore info on it, but HOW COOL IS THIS?
longing for the good old days? bored at a meeting? i have recently discovered a site where you can play duck hunt in your browser. in true, classic nintendo form, the duck is every bit as hard to shoot today as it was when i was an uncoordinated 8-year-old little girl.
sigh. it comforts me to know that some things never change. so, go ahead and play duck hunt in your browser.