i am so sick of hearing how other games are going to ‘convert’ console gamers. it’s the iphone. it’s the computer. it’s the ipad. goddamn it, now even n4g, the rational voice of gamers everywhere, has joined the fray. they are trying to tell us that computers are going to replace the console.
fuck those guys. fuck the horse they rode in on too.
i am a firm believer that gamers are never going to give up their console. why? mainly because i believe that the market can support both. both have their pros and cons. read up for obnoxious gamer’s specifics, bitches.
- we use it to watch movies.
- we use it to watch tv.
- it’s the investment. we have all poured a shocking amount of money into the hardware and software of our ps3.
- it does the internet. sure, you can have some fancy sound system, but the internet browser will run a youtube playlist. and how cool is it to have a party with a video playlist?
- laptops, if you are hoping for any portability, have small screens. do you want to play killzone 2 on your dinky 16″ screen, or would you prefer a rocking 60″ tv?
- remote play features. it’s a commuter’s wet dream.
- 3D gaming. i used to think it was a load of horseshit and then i tried it at future shop. it was totally the restaurant scene in when harry met sally.
- it helps cure CANCER. seriously, stanford university gets the thumbs up here. can millions of gamers go wrong? of course not. what a brilliant idea.
- hardcore computer gamers are insufferable nerds. have you ever met a world of witchcraft player in real life? some of my friends play this shit. lord god if my eyes don’t just bleed after a while when they’re talking about their
cult guild. and when they bail on actual life because they’ve got some dumbass raid mission or christ knows what? lame.
anyway, that list was without any real effort. just so the haters out there understand, i am not saying that computer gaming is without merit. i spend a lot of time playing stuff like geneforge 2 and the sims on my mac. i really enjoy it. logistically, i personally don’t think that those games would work on a ps3.
i am sure we can all think of reasons why computer gaming will never replace the console. just to be on the safe side, let’s all get out there with some propaganda though.
there are so many reasons i plan on getting an iphone this year. it will take my blackberry out to the fields and humanely shoot it in the head. it will make me even cooler than i am now, and possibly even a lot more obnoxious.
in short, it’s more awesome.
iphone pinball machine accessory
so that was my thinking BEFORE i was dicking around on thinkgeek, the land where i spend a lot of time. it’s also the land that is best friends with my paycheque.
to your left is a picture of a device to make your iphone into a pinball machine. thinkgeek writes:
- Working ball-launching plunger
- Realistic mini-flipper buttons
- Classic and unique board layouts
- Tilt detection, tilt warning and activation
- Replay bonuses and and multiplayer competition
- Works with iPhone or iPod Touch as long as you have iOS 3.0 or up
- Includes USB cable for charging and syncing
there is even a video on that page. i am going to stop writing this post since i am crying so hard out of jealousy i can’t see the keyboard. blergh.
kind of an older story, but definitely a good one. i’ve been holding on to this in the hopes something concrete develops, but for now it seems that it’s just as is. i have been saying for some time now that sony should get off their high horse and do something, but alas, they’ve got better things to do. shockingly, it is microsoft who has done something useful, specifically in the realm of mobile gaming. this is historical in many ways. i quit my job there because it sucked so much, but occasionally something comes out, like this, that makes me wish i had stuck around. oh well.
indeed, you will be able to get xbox live on your windows 7-enabled phone. here’s what a guy from gizmondo had to say for msnbc:
There’s your avatar waiting to greet you. There’s the last achievement you unlocked, whether it was on your console or the phone. This is where you see game invites from friends, games you’ve downloaded. There’s a Spotlight area that wasn’t up and running yet on the handset I saw, but it serves the same purpose it does on your console. It’s Xbox Live on your phone, as promised.
There are also some clever ways Microsoft has optimized the experience for mobile. Your 3D avatar will get dizzy and fall down if you shake the phone, and if you unlock an avatar item on Xbox Live anywhere it’s usable on the phone. And your avatar can invade the rest of your phone, too, with Avatar Gadgets, which are simple productivity apps like a flashlight, coin toss, ruler, and leveler that your avatar interacts with on screen.
keep reading, if you’re an average person. if you’ve got any clout at sony, stop reading and go get your shit together.
interesting article in the new york times recently. it bemoaned the fragility of the iphone, but more to the point, it spoke of the lack of durability of our electronics. we depend on them, and increasingly we are being asked to rely on them for more and more of our daily activities. this is a problem. humans, by nature, are not the most docile of species. we fight. we love. we love to fight. we fight to love. we are known to be careless and clumsy. even the most graceful among us have had a mishap or two, a broken glass and that sort of thing.
ultimately, we all – universally – accept that accidents happen. because they do. in the blink of an eye, that gadget you shelled out over $1000 for is broken on the floor because you bumped your coffee table.
our retro consoles are celebrated because they have endured the ultimate test: time. the original nintendo still functions today, over 25 years since it was first shipped. by contrast, even sony had admitted that its ps3 only has a lifespan of under 10 years. the xbox, on the other hand, lasts a mere five.
i guess i am in a reflective mood over my sadness over my blackberry’s failures. i’ve mentioned several times on this blog that i wish i had an iphone, and have had my blackberry for about a year and a half. all talks of games aside, it has begun to fail me at its core functions. at a party over the weekend, i was trying to bring up a search result, but had to abandon the query since the page was ‘too large for the device’. this was after 5 minutes. a year ago, it gave the same answer but at least had the decency to be faster. it looks pretty, despite its scratches, but it’s noticeably slower.
my conclusion? fashion has trumped function. my blackberry LOOKS good, its black and silver colours looking sleek and sexy, but has almost reached the point of being useless to me.
this is exactly the conclusion the new york times has reached. read the new york time’s ‘Electronics Designers Struggle With Form, Function and Obsolescence’ article – does this apply to your life?
man, this device had BETTER include gaming. saw an article on the new blackberry torch from the toronto star, and i think the possibilities are endless. here’s some jokes that immediately come to my mind:
best possible slogan: ‘have you torched your BlackBerry?’
best use of innuendo: ‘can I play with your Torch?’
best word association: fire, ie: ‘The BlackBerry Torch: now burning up stores everywhere’
worst possible scandal to be involved in: electrical malfunctions. ‘Recent reports indicate the BlackBerry Torch has literally become a Torch’
HAHAHA who thought of this as a product name?!
blackberry vs iphone. i used to love my blackberry, but recently i’ve, well, given thought to breaking up with it. ‘i wish i had an iphone’. this wish is a constant in my life. my boss comes in and almost every week shows me something awesome on his goddamn phone. to all of you reading, i readily admit i fucked up.
first of all, i do love apple. touchscreens? yeah, not so much. i think it’s a bit gimmicky. when it came time to upgrade to a real phone, i went with what i thought was a good choice: the blackberry.
to be fair, the blackberry does a good job at what it’s meant to do: be a phone. the boyfriends and i use bbm – which i profess to hate, but secretly admire. the iphone though has much more potential. my turning point to this school of thought came after yet another fuckup at the blackberry app store, the online clusterfuck blackberry launched to compete against 5-year-olds. i don’t know who was responsible for this, but i want to punch them in the face. it’s easier to download on my computer and transfer the damn thing.
mobile games? what a joke. the games on blackberry are beyond stupid. brickbreaker? what it this, 1995? come on.
now i hear that iphone has SEGA-inspired mobile apps. WTF.
never let it be said that sony is afraid of a clusterfuck. as we all know, the psp was great. for those of you just getting a clue, i will sum things up. the psp wasn’t perfect, but it had a lot of heart and everyone loved it. so when sony announced another psp, gamers were, to put it mildly, wickedly pumped. then the psp go hit the market, and it was like that guy who laughs uncontrollably at a funeral: awkward and eventually shunned.
sony had various takes on it. sometimes they bemoaned the average consumer’s woeful lack of taste. sometimes, they were just all ‘fuck it. we ROCK’. lately, they’ve been pretending they ‘meant to do it’. their european counterpart spent a lot of time looking reporters in the face while seriously telling them the pspgo was actually just a marketing experiment. yeah. they wanted to see ‘what their consumers wanted’. their consumers don’t want shit, or have their investment in games ruined, but they glossed over a lot of facts.
recently, they vowed to ‘not give up on the pspgo‘. this desperate ploy is likely a reaction to apple’s extreme sales tactics. we will talk about this later, but suffice to say there is naughty behaviour afoot. if you don’t have an apple device, a black-clad squad will come to your house in the middle of the night and beat you up til the wee hours of the morning. they will then force you to go out and buy something apple-related. maybe i am making this up. maybe i am not. maybe vegans are weird and we shouldn’t trust them. there’s a lot of questions.
anyway. sony is now giving – yes! – giving away content. sony plans to give away pspgo games. i believe this works for canada, but not sure. i am still too stunned by the whole ‘sony + free’ in the same sentence.