I’ve logged an embarrassing amount of time in Skyrim so far. Hours and hours of time. Time well spent, I’d argue. Anyway, playing it so heavily has made me realize that as great as it is, there’s a couple things I wish that there was a patch for. Sure, they’re slowly rolling out a patch for the lagging issues, but let’s prioritize here.
1. 99 problems and a horse is one: This goddamn horse! I’ll admit, he sometimes is useful. The other day, I had this whole Necromancer situation going on. Horse was neighing in the background, and I was all ‘sweet, he’s cheering for me!’ Then, I turned around. Imagine my surprise when I saw the dead body of one of those hideous spider things! It tried to surprise me and the horse killed it! Then, he pawed the ground, being all ‘oh hey girl, no big deal’. I was stunned. *thumps chest* Respect.
However, despite these moments of triumph, it’s mostly me screaming obscenities at the screen after he gets his damn self killed. Earlier this week, I was riding along, and we ran into two dragons. Fucking Lydia was nowhere to be found, so I fought one. After a godawful sound from the horse, I turned around to find he’d been killed. Reload game. Swearing when I realize that the auto-save feature is only useful if you haven’t spent 3 hours exploring the map without using said feature.
2. Let’s talk about these goddamn dragons. Aside from the fact you are having a perfectly normal day before one lands in front of you without warning, shrieking its brains out like it has something to say that I want to hear, they do things that drive me crazy. I hate when they don’t land and instead spend their time shrieking at you and attacking you from the air. How the fuck is this fair? Frost, fire, and of course those goddamn arrows don’t do a thing to kill them.
3. Lydia: I hate her. We go through phases where we are friends, but mostly I hate her. I have her around because, let’s face, even a broken clock is right twice a day. Also, she can carry a ton of shit, and LOVES to kill spiders. I am, however, incredibly fed up with her haughty attitude whenever she’s asked to carry something – ‘I am sworn to carry your burdens’ – I feed, clothe, and shelter you, bitch. Is carrying a few things THAT much to ask?
Also. Let’s not forget her half-assed ‘slay the dragon!’ shouts, rather than help.
4. Circling back to the horse. Why can’t I whistle for it? There have been so many times where I have been busy killing bitches, and when you’re slashing your way through skeletons, bandits, and whatever, it’s understandable that someone who didn’t have to be involved in that would run away. But horse-and-go-seek is such an annoying thing.
So, Bethesda. Let’s make with the patching.