mark wahlberg as nathan drake!
ugh, i can’t believe that i am about to reference mtv.com [then again, i also can’t believe it’s not butter], but they have some very juicy details about the possible uncharted movie. so far, we have these three as almost confirmed:
- mark wahlberg [nathan drake]
- robert de niro [father]
- joe pesci [uncle]
now, i have never met david o. russell, who is apparently heading up this whole project – but i do know he’s an idiot. mark wahlberg being cast as nathan fucking drake? seriously? mark, this isn’t a personal thing and i am sure you are a nice guy. when it comes to acting though … you’re an ok actor. i remember watching the departed and thinking how adorable you were, trying to be all tough and shit. so cute. it was like watching children play house.
you did very well in the perfect storm. you did an good job in the lovely bones. most of your movies, you do an ok job. that’s it. that’s your niche: ‘not-a-shitty-actor-but-never-gonna-win-an-oscar’. no one is ever going to be able to pretend that you are a free-spirited treasure hunter with strong mercenary tendencies. nothing personal, but as an actor, you just do not have that depth. i can’t be sure, but i honestly believe it’s those soulful brown eyes and gentle masculine tones that ruin it. repeat: no one.
these are better choices:
- nathan fillion – go watch five minutes of an episode of castle and you will know what i am talking about.
- nolan north – ‘who is this guy?’, you ask? oh he’s just the ACTUAL voice of nathan drake. and an actor. yeah, don’t worry about shit like ‘details’ and ‘authenticity’.
- brendan fraser – now this man would be believable.
- david boreanaz – cute and boyish charm? check.
- ryan reynolds – totally can pull it off
- russell crowe – see? another great choice. honestly, *i* should be in the film business.
- dwayne ‘the rock’ johnson – bad ass AND funny.
- cookie monster – no seriously, i think he’s a better choice than marky mark.
even though i would never pretend anyone at mtv is a legitimate journalist, or – god forbid – actually knows how to read, i do invite you to go read the article. there’s even a video of widdle marky mark trying to be serious, aww. i just want to pinch his cheeks and gently scold him for being up past his bedtime**.
**not obnoxiousgamer’s actual reaction to a child.
i get so many questions from new ps3 owners: what ps3 games should i get? game stores want you to buy the most possible, of course. very few big box stores will tell you that a game is a waste of your time. truth to be told, a lot are. or rather, what seems like a great idea is poorly executed. we aren’t singling you out, turning point: fall of liberty, but if you feel guilty we all understand.
now, i should say that there’s nothing wrong with having all sports titles on your shelf, or only shooters. however, in my experience, many gamers like variety. and as we know, it’s the spice of life.
what i’ve done here is given a list of games every ps3 owner should have on the shelf. most can be obtained cheaply, which is nice too. some are also exclusive to the playstation, and they’ve been marked with an asterisk.
- red dead redemption
- the saboteur
- fallout 3
- uncharted *
- uncharted 2 *
- god of war 3 *
- eat lead
- alone in the dark
- infamous *
- bionic commando
- assassin’s creed 2
- battlefield bad company
- rainbow six vegas 2
infamous compared to infamous2. many, after having seen some hd screens, would argue there simply is no comparison. those of us playing attention to this shit know one thing: they changed cole mcgrath. we wanted an answer. we wanted an explanation. then it turned out sucker punch had been talking… but it wasn’t good.
play-mag, out of the uk, apparently sat down with the developers recently and bring us this:
“Speaking exclusively to Play at its Seattle studio base, Sucker Punch has admitted that it made mistakes in how it made inFamous, but has learnt from them and made significant improvements for inFamous 2. Development director Chris Zimmerman revealed that the studio is now very familiar with the PS3 hardware and is fully prepared to exploit it to make inFamous 2 look the best it can.”
what the fuuuck? they aren’t apologizing for messing up a beloved character?
“We made some really dumb decisions in the last game, but we’ve managed to fix them,” he told us. “It was pretty early on that we knew what we weren’t doing in inFamous that we needed to do in inFamous 2, but we had to tear a whole bunch of stuff up and put it back together. In technical terms the biggest thing that we’ve done is migrate a much larger part of our code to run on the SPUs. The PS3 has this elaborate architecture where there’s a whole bunch of different places you can have your code run and we had it all running in the slow part.”
ok, we KNOW you made some dumb decisions. you tore up cole fucking mcgrath and wrecked his shit. now you’re talking about ‘elaborate architecture’ like any of us are supposed to give a damn?
“By sussing out the hardware Sucker Punch believes it has a game that could never be achieved on another console. “If you look at games like Uncharted 2 that’s a game that you actually can’t do on Xbox no matter how clever you are, there’s just more processing power on the PS3,” Zimmerman explained. “inFamous 2 is going to be the same way. You’ll look at it and see that there’s no way we could have done this game on 360.””
OH COME ON. utlizing the full processing potential of the ps3 is no excuse! why did you CHANGE THE CHARACTER?
fuck. people are dumb.
littlebigplanet 2 - potential screenshot?
what’s a day without an outlandish headline, eh? while little big planet 2 likely will NOT become part of your soul, it is, by all accounts, going to be a damn good game. media molecule really rallied themselves on littlebigplanet, and i can hardly wait for the follow-up.
little_nerdxo and i are busy playing the shit out of this game. i don’t know about her, but it’s definitely earned a place in my heart.
my sister, little_nerdxo, definitely enjoys the gentler side of gaming. she is forever denouncing the rude shooters i get sucked into most nights. give her a puzzle, or adventure game like uncharted 2 and she’ll be set for the evening. even fallout 3 was a good one. of course, i like those too, but i also love to blow shit up. i love mischief too, and collecting stuff.
it’s odd then, that two totally different styles of gaming can be appeased. but they do. we both get our fill of adventure and puzzles, and get to hang out together. the second installment in this series is supposed to be even more social, and i know that we both, along with many fans, are waiting with baited breath.
i’ve been playing a lot of great games lately, but a disturbing pattern is starting to form. if you’re an avid gamer, you’ve likely noticed that a lot of games are showing the same sort of trend – yeah, they’re great, but they share a lot, like scattered items over a huge map, or health regen, stuff like that. here’s a list of the most annoying game development trends.
– huge map, tons of stuff to collect [who the hell has the time to get all the damn feathers in assassin’s creed 2? or the shards in infamous? or the ambient freeplay things in the saboteur?]
– trophies for type of guns shot [i hate this most of all. i KNOW how to shoot shit.]
– trophies for number of headshots [honestly, if you can’t aim, you are screwed.]
– health regeneration [all games. it concerns me when people bitch about realism in games like modern warfare 2. how is that game real? you get shot by a bunch of bitches, and if you hide long enough, your wounds are magically better.]
– when you beat the game, you can’t keep playing [i hope uncharted and uncharted 2 developers read this and fidget uncomfortably.]
oof. hasn’t the last few months brought us a lot of awesome shit in the gaming world? we’ve had assassin’s creed 2, infamous, uncharted 2, god of war 3 – pretty much more blockbusters than we can handle. of course, that’s only ps3. there’s also xbox 360’s mass effect 2 and super mario bros for wii. plus there’s the scores of games on the mac and pc platforms, with mobile app games too. all these games are blockbusters, get a lot of ink, have a lot of (rabid) fans. of course, the clever folk among us know that these blockbusters come with bloated advertising budgets – which ultimately equate to blockbuster prices. frankly, if i had bought something like bayonetta at $70, i would have done horrific things to the first idiot i caught from the dev team. now, something like fallout 3? i don’t mind paying $70. the message here isn’t another penny-pinching gamer rant, but value for your dollar. i’m fortunate enough to have more than enough funds for my purposes. i just hate rewarding people for something awful.
anyway. my real point here is that myself, along with little_nerdxo started playing the saboteur over the weekend. if you don’t have it, get it. it’s literally got something for everyone, and almost seems to draw inspiration from everything, blending in a WWII storyline. its cutscenes remind me of the godfather 2, the viewpoint synching is like assassin’s creed 2. the fast-paced action? almost like the uncharted series. plus the whole disguise thing is sort of like hitman. and the driving is a mix of the first godfather and grand theft auto 4. even better is that there’s an unmarked area with a pigeon shooting area [ for the ‘pigeon parfait’ trophy] that’s freakishly similar to the old-school NES cult classic ‘duck hunt’.
phew. it’s like it took every awesome game and mashed it together. the storyline is excellent, and the elements i just mentioned makes it seem like you gathered a bunch of your favourite people in a room and let them bond together. the one thing that’s bad? the voice acting. all of the characters sound awful. aside from that, it’s a great game. certainly not worth the $70 when it came out, but well-worth the $20 or $25 you can get for it now.
i think this is something that has occurred to every gamer, at some point. personally, while i am close to platinum on many games, i’m not quite there yet. i’ve only gotten fallout 3’s trophy – and that was a pile of effort. anyway, here are a list of games that are apparently easy to get platinum on. note that i wrote ‘games’, and not ‘total waste of your goddamn time’.
- burnout paradise
- god of war 3 [so i have heard]
- fallout 3 [as mentioned]
- uncharted 2: among thieves
- uncharted: drake’s adventure
- terminator salvation
- alone in the dark
- sonic sega’s collection
anyone else have anything to add?